Self care routine for making new habits stick
If you are struggling with energy & motivation be sure to check out this video/blog for some tips on how to make habits stick so you can take better care of yourself.
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Michele Riechman. Hello everyone. So my name is Michele and welcome today. So we have a guest today that is going to talk about self care. So if you have any questions as we go along, just go ahead and put those in the chat and we will answer them.
So do you wanna go ahead and introduce yourself
Rachel: Hi Michelle. Hi everyone. I am Rachel O'Connor. I am the body confidence coach and I help primarily women who want to lose weight but don't want to. And I help show them how losing weight doesn't have to be hard. And the result of losing weight, isn't confidence, confidence is the way you lose weight.
So that's my whole. Mission in life at the
Michele Riechman: moment. Yeah. I love that we were talking and we both help people to sort of get healthy and lose weight, but we both approach it a little differently and I think that's great because different people need different things and sometimes you need more than one thing.
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So do you wanna tell us about
Everyday self care routine & making habits stick
Rachel: our topic today? Sure. I, um, Happy to talk about how to set up a self care routine and. What I love talking about is how you can do that in a way that you create a template for yourself. And you can bring that template into all areas of your life, not just in your health and wellness.
It can be put into your business. It can be put into your personal life. It's really about the formula that I have for success. So the formula is. Creating for finding, first of all, your desire and you add that to commit your commitment. So this is like a math formula. So your desire plus your commitment.
And in this case, it's action. If you have that as greater than resistance, then you get re then you get. So resistant to something as well that I work with for myself in my own practice. And it's something that is a barrier to, uh, many people to getting what they want in their
Michele Riechman: lives. Yeah. I love that you added resistance in there because I think a lot of times we don't even realize the resistance that we have, and it's hard to.
Sort of do some things. If you don't even realize what's holding you
How to make a new habit stick
Rachel: back. Exactly and resistance comes up in so many ways. It comes up as it could be tiredness. It could be overwhelmed. It could be confusion. It often is fear. And what I love to think about in terms of resistance is that once you realize that you're resisting and if.
Doing something that's part of your commitment to your higher self and your growth and your goals. If resistance is coming up, it's actually a sign that you're on the right path. It's your brain basically saying, hold on, stop. Something's going on here? We're not doing the usual. It's it's strange. And I don't want to go.
Michele Riechman: Yeah. So you're almost saying when you're feeling that resistance, that means you're on a good path.
Rachel: Yeah. Yeah. I I'm saying, I'm saying expect resistance. Yeah, it's going. It's going to come so that when you see the resistance, normally we see resistance and we say, oh no, something's gone terribly wrong.
Cuz that's what our brain is telling us. But we're actually going to say, ah, no resistance. It's all. It's all good. We're on the right.
Michele Riechman: Yeah. So when I talk about habits, you know, I just talk about that. Well, worn path we have in our brain, and that's what we like to do. That's what our brain is wired for. So when we try to do something different and make a new path, that's really hard.
So that's that same idea of where that resistance comes from?
Making new habits stick
Rachel: Yes. And the template that I'm talking about is setting it up so that it's like, for me, it's like the training. To work with resistance. So if you set yourself up to do something that you really want to do so that the desire is really strong and you're tapping into your why you're doing it.
And then when you shift into the next part of my formula, which is commitment and the action you set yourself up for success by setting the bar really. And so, um, one of my coaches, Brooke Castillo talks about the minimum baseline. So you're the goal here is not the result that you're looking for. The goal at this stage is to establish the habit.
So you have something so small and I love to think of it as it's so small. It's ridiculous. And it's ridiculous enough to do. And so, whatever that is, is the way you set yourself up for success, that you start building that habit. And even then resistance is probably going to come up, but you have something so, so small that's, that's your minimum.
That's, you're guaranteeing yourself success that you can just notice the resistance and step right over it and keep on.
Michele Riechman: Yeah. And then you sort of build that confidence. Like I'm successful, even though this is small and that confidence and success can sort of work your way up a little bit more, a
Rachel: hundred percent.
Yeah. The success is, um, building that trust and confidence in yourself that you're actually going to follow through on something mm-hmm so it doesn't matter how small it is. It's the fact that you keep on doing. And typically with my clients, when they start putting this into place in terms of, you know, either exercise they're doing or how they're eating and what they're doing, they, um, completely lost my train of
Michele Riechman: thought.
Yeah. So you're just saying, um, like when your clients, so let's say it's in the realm of self care. So if mm-hmm , someone is putting this desire commit. It has to be greater than the resistance. Like what would an example
Example of a habit that sticks
Rachel: of that be? So, um, I'll use my example for myself of, of something that I've, I've been doing now.
I've been doing it for several years and my commitment is I swim every morning. Nice. So my desire to swim and I picked that's something that I, I really love doing. There's no shoulds for me when it comes to swimming. So that's the desire part. It's like something that you really want to do. So when it comes to moving your body, there are so many choices out there that if you hear, or should I should do weights or I should do, I would say you're not, you're not on the right track, especially for beginning something and establishing the routine.
So having the desire be there. So for me, When I St. I started swimming in the bay here. I live in San Francisco because after COVID, there was a shutdown in the pools and resistance could have come in there. Well, I've got no other option. I dunno, I can't swim. My desire was strong enough. I found a way I started swimming in the bays.
Then when I started swimming in the bay, we had seals. And they're scary creatures, cuz they're wild. Right? You don't know what they're gonna do. They're actually very sweet and curious and a little too friendly sometimes. But my first encounter with the seals, there were a few seals in the Harbor where I swim and I was terrified.
And um, myself and my friend who were swimming, they started falling us when we got out. But the next day I showed up, I got back in, it was like, Resistance was coming up in the form of fear then. But again, my desire was bigger than that. Yeah. So keep on shifting away from the resistance to what you want, and that's gonna keep you on the right side of the formula.
Yeah,
Michele Riechman: that's gonna, you too. I love your story too, about the seals, because I would get freaked out too.
Rachel: oh yeah. And listen, we've had sharks little ones. Yeah. Pre foot shark jellyfish. Yeah. Um, sea otters. And, you know, it's, it's all there and every day is different . Yeah.
Michele Riechman: Yeah. And I think, especially when you use desire, in that example, I think it made it really clear, like what that meant.
And I think, especially when it comes to self care, it has to be something that like refuels you and feels really good. Um, so I know for me, that's just like going outside for a walk, not necessarily like an exercise walk, just getting outside, doing a yoga. Um, sometimes I do journaling, but different things that really make me feel better.
Sure.
How to create a habit that sticks
Rachel: And I just remembered what I was saying earlier in terms of the minimum baseline for many of my clients they'll set, um, let's say 15 minutes for moving their body and they'll find. As we often do that, they want to continue on. And I would just caution as well though saying, oh, well I did a half an hour today.
I don't have to do the 15 minutes tomorrow. It's it's the minimum. You can go over as much as you want, but you hit your minimum. And I do also recommend doing it every day. And if not every day, Monday to Friday. Yeah. Yeah.
Michele Riechman: I think that just helps build a habit better when you do. Most of the week then you don't have to think about eventually.
Yeah. So my oldest she's 15 and we homeschooler. And so I make her do PE every day. I'm like, just pick something to do, do a half an hour. And she's like, well, on the weekend we rode our bikes for an hour. So that counts for the next day. I'm like, no, no, doesn't
Rachel: yes. Yeah. Well, it's a whole different ke of fish when you're dealing with children than I, I have no experience of I'm.
I'm not a mom, so yes, but that idea I'll leave that to your, your area of expertise.
Michele Riechman: I'm like, for it to count, you need to move every day,
Finding your desire to create habit change
Rachel: but yeah. Yes. Yeah. And actually one of the things that's funny, um, that I recommend to people when they, if someone's having difficulty coming up with what it is that they really desire, because a lot of times people are very disconnected from themselves and they can't actually feel what would be good and what would feel good.
And I often recommend go back into your childhood. And see what it is that you love doing when you were a kid now for me, I loved swimming and I, I didn't swim for many, many years until I started back, um, in 2017. Yeah. So, um, yeah. Yeah. It's good to look back back there for some guidance. Yeah.
Michele Riechman: Cause I think it gets easy to lose stuff that we enjoy as we get older or busier have careers that those natural born.
You know, you sort of lose touch with yeah. Mm-hmm yeah. Awesome. So what other self care tips do you have?
Avoid Decision Fatigure when creating a new habit
Rachel: Oh my goodness. So in terms of the action item, right? So if we're talking about the desire plus commitment, and I'm looking at commitment as an action, because I love this idea, um, that you can really desire something, but if you're not actually committed to it and doing something.
It doesn't matter. So again, a lot of women that I, that I know really want to lose weight, but they don't, they aren't in the action part of it, the commitment action, because in this case, the resistance is winning, winning out mm-hmm . So in terms of the, the action portion, you know, it's, it's all of the things.
We've heard many times before in order to establish a habit. So again, minimum baseline is kind of the first step for me. Um, I like the, as we talked about the daily habit, because it gives your brain less room to negotiate. If you say I'm gonna do it every day are failing that. If you say I'm gonna do it Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, then schedule it out.
You want to make decisions as little as possible. So you avoid this whole decision fatigue. So once you schedule it out, decide what the time is. Yes. There are going to be times that it's, it's going to have to shift, but again, give yourself the best chance of success, picking a time that, you know, More often than not, you're going to be able to show up and fulfill on.
So that's another thing, scheduling it, um, visual, um, uh, reinforcement. So after you've done something and I think you do this with your clients as well. I think I saw it on, on Monday. You your feeds, um, just marking it, putting, putting a color or. A star or something on your calendar to say that you fulfilled on whatever it was that you were doing, which is a great, your, your brain really feeds off of that.
It's I think apparently you get a little bit of a dopamine hit just to say, oh yeah, I did that. And tick, tick that box.
Visual Habit tracker idea
Michele Riechman: Yeah. Yeah. I do that for myself. I have a monthly calendar I print out and I like write my workout. I mean, whether that's a walk or strength training, whatever it. So I can see that, that I'm doing something.
And then I also, in my bathroom, I put up a monthly tracker. That's like a spiral thing. Mm-hmm so I have my like five habits or five little things I'm working on. So I can see that. And I. Tried to have it in like my planner, but I didn't look at that page. So I had to put it up in my bathroom where I see it every day and it does feel good to like mark it off and like, oh, you know what?
I like, haven't been good about this, but I know it's important to me. And then it motivates me to. Get back on track with what I want.
Buddy system to stay consistent with a new habit
Rachel: Yeah. Yeah. And, and look our brains forget. And that's another form of resistance. It's like completely putting it outta your mind. Another thing I do, and I do do this myself with a friend.
We have a buddy system where we just, um, Send each other, a thumbs up emoji. If we've done what we said we're going to do. And she wanted, she was what she's working on is getting up earlier in the morning. And she had a set set of time that she wanted to get up. And for me, it was getting back into my.
Meditation routine. I had a, me daily meditation for years and years, and I fell off and, and it's been hard for me to get back on mm-hmm and so we just do the thumbs up emoji, and then we acknowledge it with a heart and that's it. Um, cause I, I wanna keep it simple as well. It's not big emails and texts and all of that.
It's just like done done. And that helps me as it's a great reminder. It's to me, it's it. Different people respond differently to accountability and they need it in different ways. I'm very much a self-accountable person. So I don't necessarily need the outward accountability, but it does help remind me.
So, yeah, it's, it's a good one for me.
Michele Riechman: Yeah, I love how you brought that up. Can you explain that a little more someone who is more self accountable versus someone who needs outside accountability? Sure. I'm
Rachel: taking this. I'm borrowing from Gretchen Ruben and she has a book and I dunno what it's called. It's called the four something mm-hmm and maybe it's a four personalities all around habits.
And there's the person who is. Self accountable. Mm-hmm , there's the person who needs validation or the accountability from outside. Then there's the, I think there's a mix of the two. And the last one is the rebel who doesn't doesn't want their own accountability. They don't want to outside. They don't want anyone telling them what to do.
They don't want to even do it for themselves. And they're. They're pretty rogue. Um, but if, if you, like, I can get the name of the book and give it to you after you can add it to your, your notes. Yeah. Yeah.
Michele Riechman: I love that. Cuz there are different people that need different things. And I think if you're someone who needs that accountability.
You really gotta be aware of that and make sure you're getting that accountability. So you don't keep failing. Cuz when we keep failing at something, then we don't wanna try it anymore. And we start to
Desire before willpower in new habits
Rachel: give up hundred percent and this is a big part of why people fail is because of how they're talking to themselves and beating themselves up.
So and so on the flip side, when you keep on showing up every day and you're feeling. Better about yourself. It's because you're saying nice things to yourself. Hey, look at me. I did that. I showed up, I did it again. I've done it for this amount of time. Mm-hmm the other thing I will say about, um, creating a habit, the.
Anything that requires you to sustain willpower for a very long time is going to, it's not sustainable. It's going to fail. So you want to get your willpower. You need it at the beginning. And that's why the desire comes in, because if you really want something, the will, your will is high. And if you can keep that momentum going until you've establish the habit, then the willpower is no longer needed because the habit, the groove is in place.
So it's reconditioning. So you already have a habit in place, whether you're aware of it or not. And maybe the habit of not doing something right. Mm-hmm and you're in a habit of, um, Giving into resistance. That's a habit. So you're changing that. You're changing your relationship to resistance in this scenario.
And then you've got a new relationship with, with resistance at the end of a certain point. And then that's, the resistance just goes away in this particular. Yeah. And actually I'm, I misspoke the resistance. Doesn't go away. Cause when I go swimming and it's cold and the water temperature is freezing and the outdoor air is freezing.
I don't want to go into that water, but I actually don't. I don't have a conversation with it. Yeah. Right. I'm just, I know I'm getting in because I. I just know I'm getting in
yeah.
Michele Riechman: I mean, I think that resistance definitely lowers. Yeah. You know, it's that hump getting started, building those new pathways in your brain that is really hard to do at first where you need to sort of overcome that and have things in place.
Yes. Yeah. And I also think, you know, when you're trying to do something, I was just talking about this last night on my metabolism. Webinar is like your willpower battery and. If you don't charge yourself up with self care and things that refuel you, you're not gonna make good choices. So just how important it's to really like fuel and fill yourself up so that you do have a little more willpower.
Rachel: Yes. Yes. Cause when you're tired and you know, the last thing you want to do is to, to bring up that energy, to, to do something. Yeah. Yeah.
Michele Riechman: Yeah. Perfect. Do you have anything else to add?
Being aware of changes with new habits
Rachel: Um, I think just around that idea of resistance and the the relationship to it. I think in that scenario where I say said, I feel resistance when I go for my swim in the morning, it, the relationship there is I'm.
I'm not believing it. I'm not giving it too much. Credence. I'm not conversing with it, but I'm also not rejecting it. I'm not pushing it away. I'm not, um, I'm not engaging with it, but I'm not ignoring it either. I recognize that it's there. So there's this whole interplay of. You know, when they say what, what you resist persists, and if you're pushing against it, um, you're, you're fueling it.
It's just this sense of allowing it to be there is hugely powerful. Mm-hmm and it's it, it feels very empowering when. That resistance is there and you watch yourself for me. I watch myself just walk into the water. Mm. And then as soon as I get in and this part of me for the desire is I often hear people say, oh, I feel so good after I exercise.
Mm-hmm when I swim, I feel so. So as I'm exercising, my body feels amazing and I'm very much in touch with how my body feels when I move through the water. So I love, I love that in terms of tapping into the desire of something that you actually love doing while you're doing it, as well as enjoying the aftermath of it.
Michele Riechman: Yeah. I love that. So I love that idea of when you're feeling resistance is to not ignore it, but not to give into it. Yeah. But that's, do you have any tips for people to do that or like what to avoid.
Rachel: In te avoiding, what do you mean?
Michele Riechman: Like how do we let that thought be there, but not actually talk with it or give into it,
Rachel: but not ignore it?
Yeah. Well, it's like, as soon as you, first of all, with awareness comes your power, right? And as you say, a lot of times, people don't even know they're re. Right. So you can decide ahead of time what you're going to say to that resistance. Right? So again, it's like, you don't want to ignore it. You don't want engage in it.
You don't want to argue with it. You don't want to believe it. So I like simply it's like, oh, there you are. Of course you're there, right? Yeah, of course. You're coming up and I'm gonna do it. Yeah, right. And yes, you're there it's like that. Liz Gilbert. Yes. You're there come along for the ride, but you're not at the steering wheel.
I love, I love her analogy of that. Yeah. Um, so it's like, oh, of course you're their resistance. And what we said earlier was like, ah, I'm on the right track. I'm doing something new. You're getting scared. You don't want me to do it, or you're getting, you know, you're, you've got your groove and you don't want to put in the energy to change it, but that's okay.
I've got this, you're coming, but I'm doing it anyway. So having that kind of relationship with it to me is makes all the difference. Yeah. Like, ah, yeah, there you.
Michele Riechman: Yeah. I like how you explain that, cuz I think that could be like a hard balance to find, cuz I think people are used to either like people get really used to just ignoring things, um, and not letting that sort of be there.
Sustainability with new habits
Rachel: yeah. And it's, it's also, it's all about sustainability, so we all know what it feels like to push through resist. Oh, I'm going through this and I, I really am. I'm resisting, but I'm gotta do it anyway. There's so much energy used up. Mm-hmm . So the next time you come along to do the thing that you say you're going to do you feel exhausted because you're gonna have to fight through all this resistance.
It's like, let go of the fight. There's no fighting needed the resistance. That's why if you expect to be there. Then you just go through it now there's different levels, right? Depending on what you're doing. And that's why for me, when you set it up in this way for a self care routine, and you're setting yourself up for success by picking something you really want to do, you're doing the minimum baseline to do it.
And the resistance comes up is easy enough to overcome because the desire is very high and the commitment level is. Right. And it's still gonna come up because you're doing something different. Your brain's gonna always offer you some resistance. Mm-hmm so you're giving, you're starting at the, you know, you're, you're a horse jumper, you're going over over a small jump mm-hmm and then the stakes get higher in different areas, but you always have this template to go back to and you're learning how to deal with resistance.
So you're starting.
Michele Riechman: Yeah. Yeah. I just love how you put all those pieces together, because I think it's really easy to get caught up or stuck in something and just give up because you don't really know what's going on.
Rachel: Yeah. And it can get overwhelming, like the resistance can feel really big. And look, the other thing is if resistance comes up really strong and you fall off and you don't do it, it's.
You just, that's your opportunity to learn how to be gentle with yourself. Mm-hmm forgiving with yourself and just get back on the next day.
Michele Riechman: Yeah. And possibly even like reassess. So I'll do different habits with either nutrition or exercise with my clients. And if they are struggling, We go back to like, what can you do 90% of the time and just reassessing, maybe that was a little too high and you need to bring it down to start with
Rachel: a hundred percent.
And that's like with your minimum baseline, mm-hmm you check in after the first week? Well, is this working? Am I showing up more often than not? Am I showing up? Or am I not showing up? I said it at 30 minutes, maybe it's 15 and you'll see your brain say, well, 15 doesn't matter. You're not gonna get anywhere with 15.
And again, that's not the point. The point is to get you started. So whenever your brain throws up, these things say, yep, got it. And this is what we're doing. Cause you know why. Yeah.
Michele Riechman: Yeah. I just had a client who wanted to add more movement and steps to her day. And obviously the, the goal's like 10,000, but I'm like, what are you doing most days now?
And then we just bumped it just a little above that and we're, and we're gonna start there so that she can be successful and then we'll bump it up. Yeah. If we think that's doable
Rachel: a hundred percent. Yeah. And it's like, as well, people add different things. I'm gonna do this. Mm-hmm and I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna do this.
Just start with one thing. Mm-hmm. And just do that and gain mastery there and then go on either, bump it up or add something else. And again, with the minimum baseline, you're going to see with either yourself with your clients. I see it all the time. People go over all the time. Mm-hmm . If they've got the minimum at the right level, mm-hmm , they'll always hit it and they'll inevitably go over it.
Mm-hmm so that's. Yeah.
Michele Riechman: Yeah, this is great. Want to check out a quick 10 minute yoga? Click here. I love all your tips. Is there anything else you wanna add?
Rachel: Uh, I think that's it for now. I think that's pretty good. I could talk, talk more, but yeah.
Michele Riechman: So tell us where people can connect with you. I don't know if you have any freebies or any resources or anything.
Rachel: Uh, I am actually developing a self care booklet, which. Tips all around. This formula that I'm creating and with ideas of what, what self care habits you could introduce, as you were saying, it could be journaling and I'll be giving prompts as to what you can journal on and meditation, which is, again, something that I find as a general self care, self love habit to be mm-hmm
The the queen. Um, so I will be developing that and then it, when it's ready, I'll, I'll let you know. But in the meantime, people can find me at Rachel O'Connor coaching.com or the body confidence, coach.com with the, um, uh, our Rachel O'Connor coaching, Gmail dot. Yeah.
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